ALASYA

555 Sydney Rd

Brunswick VIC 3056

Founded in 1978, Alasya is a damn fine restaurant that has stood the test of time. Cheap and cheerful, it’s a great place to come for some good old fashioned Turkish food. Get a banquet for between $20 and $24, and watch the delicious food roll out of the kitchen. You get a great combination of dips, Turkish bread, salads, meats and vegetable dishes. Each banquet has a vego option. You can BYO and they don’t charge corkage which is sweet as. Great for a cheap feed (or a cheap date, which I see many of when I go there). The restaurant has its original decor which I think is fantastic. An update would take away the charm of the place.

The restaurant also incorporates a bakery so the Turkish bread is super-fresh. You can go in and grab a massive Turkish bread and a few dips for around $10. Is that not the awesomest hangover cure ever? Perfect for watching hangover movies.

So if you’re ever down that way, make sure you pop in for dinner or get some take away. You won’t be disappointed.

FIFTEEN

Basement, 115-117 Collins St
Melbourne VIC 3000

Well I have to say Fifteen has been the biggest disappointment of the year. I’ve been lucky enough to visit some great restaurants this year, and was really looking forward to eating there, as I’ve always been a big fan of Jamie Oliver, loved the concept of helping disadvantaged kids get ahead and the menu online also looked great.

The main thing that let this place down was the service. I don’t know if it was just our waiter, but he was terrible. Had clearly been hired for his looks and not his ability to wait tables! Getting anything at all out of this man (water, ordering food, more wine etc) was a challenge. And for a restaurant of that calibre we shouldn’t have even had to ask for anything.

My food was nice – nice, not great. My friend L had the risotto and it was foul. Probably one of the worst I’ve ever eaten! Gluggy rice, and no flavour whatsoever (except salt flavour). There’s no way the chef tasted it before it went out, no one in their right mind would have served that. And risotto is something I can make quite well at home myself, so there’s absolutely no excuse for doing it badly in a restaurant! It’s usually a safe bet for the same reason.

Give Fifteen a miss – there are loads of other, better places to choose from.

THE EUROPEAN

161 Spring St
Melbourne VIC 3000

Well this certainly is a nice little eatery. Tucked under the Supper Club/Siglo at the top end of town, the European is unassuming on the outside and from the inside makes you feel like you could be in Paris or Rome. Decor is romantic and cute, with a great international wine list!



Food is pretty top quality, with an emphasis on fresh produce. The buffalo mozzarella, tomato and basil entree was a definite standout. I had the fillet of kingfish with oyster and mussel escabeche, and yeah, it was pretty damn good. Fantastic escabeche I have to say. Everyone in our group enjoyed their meals, and they had a pretty good tira misu, something that is done so badly so often.


Unfortunately, our waiter was a rude, smug git. Which puts me off recommending this place to friends. We had some internationals in our group and when one of them failed to pronounce “crème brulee” correctly he laughed at her. It was so rude. Who cares if people don’t say things right, just fucking serve it you pompous arsehole! Rant over. Go there, but hope you don’t get the waiter I had!

ORIENTAL TEA HOUSE

Oriental tea house have got a good thing going. Located in upper class or corporate areas, they serve teas and yum cha to white people at double the price of a similar Chinatown establishment.



Nonetheless, Oriental tea house on Little Collins St do a full service Yum Cha on Fridays, and if you work in the area and don’t have time to get to Chinatown then it works well if you need your dumpling and fried octopus tentacle fix. Recommended, but not over more authentic establishments.

GIN PALACE

10 Russell Pl
Melbourne VIC 3000

The Gin Palace was one of Melbourne original ‘laneway’ bars. It’s been cool, naff, then cool again. I like it. They make a mean martini and there’s no arguing with that. Couches are comfy and staff friendly. They have a limited selection of tasty nibbles but nothing too solid. The only complaint is I’m not sure it’s been updated since it first opened! Could use a touch-up. But otherwise get on down, nothing beats an old favourite.