ATTICA

74 Glen Eira Rd, Ripponlean VIC 3185

So I have this gourmand friend, called N. N has been raving about Attica ever since I have known him. It was on my list for a while, and then when it got a guernsey on the S. Pellegrino top 100 restaurants in the world, I was even more keen to get down to Elsternwick and check it out.



Unassuming and unpretentious, Attica was amazing. It is one of the things that makes me love Melbourne so much. There is such a broad range of top-notch eateries to choose from, and there’s no risk of ever getting bored.


So again I was dining with the lovely ladies L & B, we opted for the 5 course tasting menu. There was a vegetarian version of the menu too which was great. And WOW. Attica really is in a league all of its own. Each dish was without a doubt one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten in my life. The texture, taste, presentation was all perfect.


Unfortunately I lost my photos from this outing, but the snow crab was a delight, as was the bass groper. “A simple dish of a potato cooked in the earth it was grown” was incredible. I know, it’s just a potato, but it’s the best potato you’ll ever eat in your life! And the dessert of apple, olive and warm shredded wheat OMFG one of the best desserts ever. And everything on the menu was different, I’d never seen anything like these dishes anywhere else in Melbourne. This place really is a cut above the rest.


The staff were friendly, very enthusiastic, and in line with the current trend were keen to elaborately describe the dishes, which as you know I’m not too keen on, but meh, whatever. Don’t let my issues detract from this restaurant’s greatness though! Book a trip to Attica immediately.

CLUB RETRO

383 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000

Whoah. It’s been a while since I’ve seen so many bogans in one place (the ACDC concert probably, but that was a happy time when I was basking in the ‘glory days’ of the bogan, and therefore emphasising my bogan heritage)...Retro not so happy place. Although here I learned it’s official – the 90’s are retro now! That’s right, Salt N Pepa, En Vogue and Five are played along with your favourite hits from the 70’s, 80’s, and bizarrely, now. Although to be fair to today’s bogan they can’t possibly be expected to have to go more than 12 minutes without hearing “I Gotta Feeling” by David Guetta and the Black Eyed Peas. They may become enraged and start glassing folk.

I think the fact that they sell shakers of illusion is meant to be in line with the ‘retro’ theme, but it kind of creeped me out. And bizzarely, for no apparent reason, when I got in there I went to the bar and WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ordered a watermelon breezer. WEIRD.

Anyway, I was there on a Saturday night for a friend’s birthday and I did actually have a good time dancing to shit music. It needs to be done every now and again. Really, it does! Oh and they have a multi-coloured, flashing light squares dance floor. I know I’m supposed to think that’s naff...but I thought it was cool, in a naff way.

So anyway at places like Retro lurks the predatory cashed up bogan. Having no idea how to actually have a conversation with a female of the species, the Bogan loiters around the area where there are dancing ladies, presumably in case one of them decides to show him their tits (because that happens all the time, you know). So yeah this group was hanging around for what seemed like hours.......not getting that “I’m ignoring you because I’m not interested!!” You see I was dancing with my friends, generally enjoying their company and having a good time when on my way back from the bar, one of them decides what I really want is a nice slap on the arse. As I’m standing there, contemplating this man’s actions, he does it again! I reacted. Swiftly. And kicked him really hard. In the balls. Needless to say I think he might have got the subtle hint that I wasn’t interested. And maybe he’ll think twice before he does it again.

MOROCCAN SOUP BAR

183 St Georges Rd,
North Fitzroy VIC 3068

If you have not yet eaten at the Moroccan Soup Bar do so immediately otherwise you may not call yourself a Melbournian! Places like this are one of the reasons I heart Melbourne so much. A vegetarian restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol (or do BYO for that matter) is constantly packed out! Because the food is awesome, and cheap! The first time I ate the food was when a bunch of peeps got takeaway, and it came to something ridiculous like $5 each. These guys were also on the sustainability bandwagon long before everyone else, getting you to bring your own containers which they fill up with delicious food.

Oh yeah, the food – I’d better talk about that. Well I’ve never ordered anything other than the banquet, but why would you, it’s amazing, fills you up and is always super delicious! Dips, bread, salads, lentils, and that yogurt thing with the crunchy bits of pita bread in it! I love that, and always try to eat as much as I can without my friends seeing I’m secretly eating all of the best dish...I just can’t help myself!! I need to go back again soon.

TEMPERANCE HOTEL

426 Chapel St
Melbourne VIC 3000

The Temperance used to be my local (ie closest pub to my place of residence, not pub I went to all the time – that was the Flying Duck) when I first moved to town, and was it not located in a hotspot of unfettered boganity (that end of Chapel St and in close proximity to a very busy Ed Hardy store) it mightn’t be a bad place. Unfortunately due to aforementioned location I can’t possibly vouch for the clientele.



Having said that though, the Temperance does good food, has a nice layout and is great for people watching. I also love the stiletto staircase. The drinks are overpriced, but hey, the pub is located on Chapel St. What would you expect. The music they play is usually pretty rank Ministry of Sound type stuff (or even worse, a cover band that play Ministry of Sound type stuff) so make sure you are either so drunk you don’t notice or sitting outside.

ROYAL SAXON

545 Church St, Richmond VIC 3121

Ph (03) 9429 5277

So we all know the Royal Saxon is the place for the cool kids (ie AFL players) to be seen right now. I’ve driven past that place at 6:30 on a Saturday night and seen a line of ‘beautiful’ people going down the street. WTF? Call me old fashioned, but one of the reasons I like pubs so much is because you can sit down, relax, and have a few quiet (or rowdy, it’s up to you) bevvies. And not have to get dressed up in your best frock and stand around in heels getting sore feet.



Anyhoo, I digress. When a girlfriend organised a dinner there on a freezing cold Tuesday night I thought it would be the best time to suss the place out, as it wouldn’t be overly crowded and full of pretentious tourists, and therefore piss me off. One thing I will never do is line up to get into a pub – what a completely absurd concept!


So yes it is a very nice space, lots of outdoor areas. Good service and good food. Lots of plates designed for sharing which I always like. We had a few different pizzas (mushroom and a spinachy-ricotta looking one), tuna carpaccio, olives, bread and some salads. They were all great. And reasonably priced. I’d definitely recommend eating there during the week. I’ll have to post an update if I ever go there for a summer Sunday sesh or similar when I can see this establishment at its peak.

VEGIE BAR

380 Brunswick St, Fitzroy VIC 3065
Ph (03) 9417 6935
 
Vegie Bar is great. Another one of my faves. The food is cheap and delicious. I have to say though I never try new things on the menu, I always get the burrito. Every time, before I go to the Vegie Bar I give myself a little pep-talk...kinda like “now don’t go ordering the burrito this time, you should try something new and not be so boring”....and every time I look at the menu and go for the burrito. Meh...perhaps sometimes going with what you know isn’t such a bad thing! But seriously, this place is great, definitely worth checking out if you haven’t already.

LALA LAND - CITY

1/391 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne 3000
Ph (03) 9670 5011


Hmmm not as cute as the Windsor LaLa Land, the city one brings a different vibe. As they don’t do food they let you order pizzas in which feels a bit old school. I worked in a pub once that was like that. But yeah comfy couches, OK wine list, oh and it’s in a laneway. That should buy it some cred surely?