Melbourne Boozehag

ALASYA

2010-11-02T14:35:00.000+11:00

555 Sydney Rd

Brunswick VIC 3056

Founded in 1978, Alasya is a damn fine restaurant that has stood the test of time. Cheap and cheerful, it’s a great place to come for some good old fashioned Turkish food. Get a banquet for between $20 and $24, and watch the delicious food roll out of the kitchen. You get a great combination of dips, Turkish bread, salads, meats and vegetable dishes. Each banquet has a vego option. You can BYO and they don’t charge corkage which is sweet as. Great for a cheap feed (or a cheap date, which I see many of when I go there). The restaurant has its original decor which I think is fantastic. An update would take away the charm of the place.

The restaurant also incorporates a bakery so the Turkish bread is super-fresh. You can go in and grab a massive Turkish bread and a few dips for around $10. Is that not the awesomest hangover cure ever? Perfect for watching hangover movies.

So if you’re ever down that way, make sure you pop in for dinner or get some take away. You won’t be disappointed.

FIFTEEN

2010-11-02T14:28:00.000+11:00

Basement, 115-117 Collins St
Melbourne VIC 3000

Well I have to say Fifteen has been the biggest disappointment of the year. I’ve been lucky enough to visit some great restaurants this year, and was really looking forward to eating there, as I’ve always been a big fan of Jamie Oliver, loved the concept of helping disadvantaged kids get ahead and the menu online also looked great.

The main thing that let this place down was the service. I don’t know if it was just our waiter, but he was terrible. Had clearly been hired for his looks and not his ability to wait tables! Getting anything at all out of this man (water, ordering food, more wine etc) was a challenge. And for a restaurant of that calibre we shouldn’t have even had to ask for anything.

My food was nice – nice, not great. My friend L had the risotto and it was foul. Probably one of the worst I’ve ever eaten! Gluggy rice, and no flavour whatsoever (except salt flavour). There’s no way the chef tasted it before it went out, no one in their right mind would have served that. And risotto is something I can make quite well at home myself, so there’s absolutely no excuse for doing it badly in a restaurant! It’s usually a safe bet for the same reason.

Give Fifteen a miss – there are loads of other, better places to choose from.

THE EUROPEAN

2010-11-02T14:13:00.000+11:00

161 Spring St
Melbourne VIC 3000

Well this certainly is a nice little eatery. Tucked under the Supper Club/Siglo at the top end of town, the European is unassuming on the outside and from the inside makes you feel like you could be in Paris or Rome. Decor is romantic and cute, with a great international wine list!

Food is pretty top quality, with an emphasis on fresh produce. The buffalo mozzarella, tomato and basil entree was a definite standout. I had the fillet of kingfish with oyster and mussel escabeche, and yeah, it was pretty damn good. Fantastic escabeche I have to say. Everyone in our group enjoyed their meals, and they had a pretty good tira misu, something that is done so badly so often.

Unfortunately, our waiter was a rude, smug git. Which puts me off recommending this place to friends. We had some internationals in our group and when one of them failed to pronounce “crème brulee” correctly he laughed at her. It was so rude. Who cares if people don’t say things right, just fucking serve it you pompous arsehole! Rant over. Go there, but hope you don’t get the waiter I had!

ORIENTAL TEA HOUSE

2010-11-02T13:56:00.000+11:00

Oriental tea house have got a good thing going. Located in upper class or corporate areas, they serve teas and yum cha to white people at double the price of a similar Chinatown establishment.

Nonetheless, Oriental tea house on Little Collins St do a full service Yum Cha on Fridays, and if you work in the area and don’t have time to get to Chinatown then it works well if you need your dumpling and fried octopus tentacle fix. Recommended, but not over more authentic establishments.

GIN PALACE

2010-11-02T13:47:00.000+11:00

10 Russell Pl
Melbourne VIC 3000

The Gin Palace was one of Melbourne original ‘laneway’ bars. It’s been cool, naff, then cool again. I like it. They make a mean martini and there’s no arguing with that. Couches are comfy and staff friendly. They have a limited selection of tasty nibbles but nothing too solid. The only complaint is I’m not sure it’s been updated since it first opened! Could use a touch-up. But otherwise get on down, nothing beats an old favourite.

CAFFE BELLINO

2010-09-08T17:34:00.000+10:00

281 Victoria St, Brunswick VIC 3056

Caffe Bellino is a cute little place behind Sydney Road. The best thing about this place is the staff, they are super-friendly and helpful. They also have a cockatoo out the back...uh-huh they do!

Food is a bit hit and miss. The hollandaise wasn’t great and the first time I went the coffee was terrible, but the next time I went it was fine. I had a great vegetarian big breakfast which really hit the spot. But it’s a cute place so def check it out, but order your hollandaise on the side.

ORANGE

2010-09-08T17:21:00.000+10:00

126 Chapel St, Windsor VIC 3181.

Orange is a gorgeous little cafe on Chapel St in Windsor. The food is great, booths comfortable, service excellent, and if you’re lucky enough to get a spot out the front, has great people watching too. Definitely part of what makes “the Windsor end of Chapel” so much more vibrant and happening than Prahran or South Yarra ends.

ATTICA

2010-09-08T17:17:00.000+10:00

74 Glen Eira Rd, Ripponlean VIC 3185

So I have this gourmand friend, called N. N has been raving about Attica ever since I have known him. It was on my list for a while, and then when it got a guernsey on the S. Pellegrino top 100 restaurants in the world, I was even more keen to get down to Elsternwick and check it out.

Unassuming and unpretentious, Attica was amazing. It is one of the things that makes me love Melbourne so much. There is such a broad range of top-notch eateries to choose from, and there’s no risk of ever getting bored.

So again I was dining with the lovely ladies L & B, we opted for the 5 course tasting menu. There was a vegetarian version of the menu too which was great. And WOW. Attica really is in a league all of its own. Each dish was without a doubt one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten in my life. The texture, taste, presentation was all perfect.

Unfortunately I lost my photos from this outing, but the snow crab was a delight, as was the bass groper. “A simple dish of a potato cooked in the earth it was grown” was incredible. I know, it’s just a potato, but it’s the best potato you’ll ever eat in your life! And the dessert of apple, olive and warm shredded wheat OMFG one of the best desserts ever. And everything on the menu was different, I’d never seen anything like these dishes anywhere else in Melbourne. This place really is a cut above the rest.

The staff were friendly, very enthusiastic, and in line with the current trend were keen to elaborately describe the dishes, which as you know I’m not too keen on, but meh, whatever. Don’t let my issues detract from this restaurant’s greatness though! Book a trip to Attica immediately.

CLUB RETRO

2010-09-08T16:52:00.000+10:00

383 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000

Whoah. It’s been a while since I’ve seen so many bogans in one place (the ACDC concert probably, but that was a happy time when I was basking in the ‘glory days’ of the bogan, and therefore emphasising my bogan heritage)...Retro not so happy place. Although here I learned it’s official – the 90’s are retro now! That’s right, Salt N Pepa, En Vogue and Five are played along with your favourite hits from the 70’s, 80’s, and bizarrely, now. Although to be fair to today’s bogan they can’t possibly be expected to have to go more than 12 minutes without hearing “I Gotta Feeling” by David Guetta and the Black Eyed Peas. They may become enraged and start glassing folk.

I think the fact that they sell shakers of illusion is meant to be in line with the ‘retro’ theme, but it kind of creeped me out. And bizzarely, for no apparent reason, when I got in there I went to the bar and WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ordered a watermelon breezer. WEIRD.

Anyway, I was there on a Saturday night for a friend’s birthday and I did actually have a good time dancing to shit music. It needs to be done every now and again. Really, it does! Oh and they have a multi-coloured, flashing light squares dance floor. I know I’m supposed to think that’s naff...but I thought it was cool, in a naff way.

So anyway at places like Retro lurks the predatory cashed up bogan. Having no idea how to actually have a conversation with a female of the species, the Bogan loiters around the area where there are dancing ladies, presumably in case one of them decides to show him their tits (because that happens all the time, you know). So yeah this group was hanging around for what seemed like hours.......not getting that “I’m ignoring you because I’m not interested!!” You see I was dancing with my friends, generally enjoying their company and having a good time when on my way back from the bar, one of them decides what I really want is a nice slap on the arse. As I’m standing there, contemplating this man’s actions, he does it again! I reacted. Swiftly. And kicked him really hard. In the balls. Needless to say I think he might have got the subtle hint that I wasn’t interested. And maybe he’ll think twice before he does it again.

MOROCCAN SOUP BAR

2010-08-29T19:05:00.000+10:00

183 St Georges Rd,
North Fitzroy VIC 3068

If you have not yet eaten at the Moroccan Soup Bar do so immediately otherwise you may not call yourself a Melbournian! Places like this are one of the reasons I heart Melbourne so much. A vegetarian restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol (or do BYO for that matter) is constantly packed out! Because the food is awesome, and cheap! The first time I ate the food was when a bunch of peeps got takeaway, and it came to something ridiculous like $5 each. These guys were also on the sustainability bandwagon long before everyone else, getting you to bring your own containers which they fill up with delicious food.

Oh yeah, the food – I’d better talk about that. Well I’ve never ordered anything other than the banquet, but why would you, it’s amazing, fills you up and is always super delicious! Dips, bread, salads, lentils, and that yogurt thing with the crunchy bits of pita bread in it! I love that, and always try to eat as much as I can without my friends seeing I’m secretly eating all of the best dish...I just can’t help myself!! I need to go back again soon.

TEMPERANCE HOTEL

2010-08-29T19:01:00.000+10:00

426 Chapel St
Melbourne VIC 3000

The Temperance used to be my local (ie closest pub to my place of residence, not pub I went to all the time – that was the Flying Duck) when I first moved to town, and was it not located in a hotspot of unfettered boganity (that end of Chapel St and in close proximity to a very busy Ed Hardy store) it mightn’t be a bad place. Unfortunately due to aforementioned location I can’t possibly vouch for the clientele.

Having said that though, the Temperance does good food, has a nice layout and is great for people watching. I also love the stiletto staircase. The drinks are overpriced, but hey, the pub is located on Chapel St. What would you expect. The music they play is usually pretty rank Ministry of Sound type stuff (or even worse, a cover band that play Ministry of Sound type stuff) so make sure you are either so drunk you don’t notice or sitting outside.

ROYAL SAXON

2010-08-16T21:13:00.001+10:00

545 Church St, Richmond VIC 3121

Ph (03) 9429 5277

So we all know the Royal Saxon is the place for the cool kids (ie AFL players) to be seen right now. I’ve driven past that place at 6:30 on a Saturday night and seen a line of ‘beautiful’ people going down the street. WTF? Call me old fashioned, but one of the reasons I like pubs so much is because you can sit down, relax, and have a few quiet (or rowdy, it’s up to you) bevvies. And not have to get dressed up in your best frock and stand around in heels getting sore feet.

Anyhoo, I digress. When a girlfriend organised a dinner there on a freezing cold Tuesday night I thought it would be the best time to suss the place out, as it wouldn’t be overly crowded and full of pretentious tourists, and therefore piss me off. One thing I will never do is line up to get into a pub – what a completely absurd concept!

So yes it is a very nice space, lots of outdoor areas. Good service and good food. Lots of plates designed for sharing which I always like. We had a few different pizzas (mushroom and a spinachy-ricotta looking one), tuna carpaccio, olives, bread and some salads. They were all great. And reasonably priced. I’d definitely recommend eating there during the week. I’ll have to post an update if I ever go there for a summer Sunday sesh or similar when I can see this establishment at its peak.

VEGIE BAR

2010-08-16T20:52:00.000+10:00

380 Brunswick St, Fitzroy VIC 3065
Ph (03) 9417 6935

Vegie Bar is great. Another one of my faves. The food is cheap and delicious. I have to say though I never try new things on the menu, I always get the burrito. Every time, before I go to the Vegie Bar I give myself a little pep-talk...kinda like “now don’t go ordering the burrito this time, you should try something new and not be so boring”....and every time I look at the menu and go for the burrito. Meh...perhaps sometimes going with what you know isn’t such a bad thing! But seriously, this place is great, definitely worth checking out if you haven’t already.

LALA LAND - CITY

2010-08-16T20:43:00.001+10:00

1/391 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne 3000
Ph (03) 9670 5011

Hmmm not as cute as the Windsor LaLa Land, the city one brings a different vibe. As they don’t do food they let you order pizzas in which feels a bit old school. I worked in a pub once that was like that. But yeah comfy couches, OK wine list, oh and it’s in a laneway. That should buy it some cred surely?

CARLTON CLUB HOTEL

2010-08-09T21:51:00.000+10:00

193 Bourke St

Melbourne Vic 3000

Ph (03) 9663 3246

The Carlton Club Hotel is a cute space on Bourke St. The main bar and dining area has a cute fit-out, creepy taxidermy aside. And this place kills it in summer with a terrace AND a rooftop bar (Carlton Palmz). Monday nights sees half price food. So if you have a early week dinner scheduled, cruise in to the Carlton for some cheap tasty eats! Friday night drinks are pretty busy so get here early. Great place, definitely recommended.

MAHA

2010-08-09T21:39:00.000+10:00

After the wonderful experience I had at Hellenic Republic earlier this year of course I was keen to try another of the jewels in the crown of the Calombaris empire, Maha. Situated off Flinders Lane, Maha has a more sophisticated feel than the laid-back vibe of Hellenic Republic.

I was dining again with two of my loveliest female friends, and we opted for a 5 course banquet. First off, one of the things I love about the place was that we didn’t have to spend any time at all mulling over the menu, we just ordered the banquet, gave our dietary requirements, and sat back and watched the delicious food start rolling out of the kitchen and onto our table!

Each ‘course’ was a banquet in itself, comprising of multiple generous dishes. The first course was a lovely soup. Seemed harmless enough. Then came course 2 which was a selection of dips, olives and butter beans in tomato and olive oil. All delicious. Then came mussels with chick peas and shaved coconut, zuchinni and chick peas with goats cheese and a large bowl of garlic mushrooms. OK, so even just these two were a huge meal in itself and we’re only up to course 3? Shit! I had stupidly worn tight pants to the restaurant, what a rookie mistake!

So after all this, course 4 comes out, consisting of SEVEN (albeit small, mezze size) dishes! Amazing Kingfish, ravioli, lentils, rice and salads. Oh dear lord I was full to bursting!

Of course you always have to leave room for dessert when you go to places like this! It was divine. The popcorn with salted caramel was my favourite. I loved how all the flavours combined when you ate the three layers of the dish all at once to create, and I’m sorry for saying this, a party in my mouth. And no you’re not invited!

The presentation of the dishes was beautiful, I especially loved the decorated tiles. You also leave with a parting gift, which I have in a box somewhere not yet unpacked. The service was impeccable, my only complaint (and it is a minor one) is that several times our conversation was interrupted so we could be told (at length) what each dish was, and where it came from. And yes I know we spent mere minutes mulling over the decision but thought it was a bit of an intrusion. Although it seems to be a growing trend so I’d probably do best to just get used to it.

Anyway, definitely recommend this place, get the banquet and come prepared. Eat very little during the day and wear loose clothing. I was in a food coma for several days after this one!

TAKING A SHORT BREAK!

2010-06-28T18:23:00.000+10:00

Not a break from Boozehagging of course! But I am temporarily computer-less and interwebs-less! But never fear, I am still committed to the cause, and am still going to plenty of great and not so great places!

Stay tuned to hear tales of kicking Ed-Hardy wearing bogans in the nads, finding (not my own!) used condoms on my person and generally drinking Melbourne dry!

Shouldn't be too much longer.....

IZAKAYA DEN

2010-05-30T17:07:00.001+10:00

114 Russell St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9654 2977

Thank you, Izakaya Den!! Just when I am beginning to fade, thinking all bars are starting to look the same, I finally stumbled down the stairs and into Izakaya Den. It’s really, like, cool, but in a cool way, not, like, a pretentious way. My friend and I were seated at the bar, right in front of the grill, which was perfect because we could see all the action! We had a lovely waiter called Aki (short for Akira, like the movie) and the food was amazing.

Izakaya Den is surprisingly big, so even though they don’t take bookings we were seated straight away – on a Friday night too which was pretty cool. Although it’s easier to get a seat if you are in a small group of 2 or 3, as these groups can be seated at the bar. I think it would take longer if you had a large group. Oh and good to see a bit of a comeback of unisex toilets – probably works better in a restaurant than in a bar or club anyways!

Kingfish Sashimi (again – it seems as though this is the “in” dish right now) was good but not as good as Bar Lourinha’s, sorry guys. Baby potatoes with anchovy butter – score! And the tuna sashimi with wasabi mayo was to die for, as was the eggplant dish. Presentation was flawless, and the service was impeccable. Although I’m pretty sure the manager had the hots for my friend, but he did run down the street with my laptop bag (if I had a dollar for every time I’ve almost left that bloody thing in a bar on a Friday night…well I’d have, like $10..or something) which was definitely above and beyond the call of duty! I will definitely be going back for more. This place is awesome!

POLLY

2010-05-30T17:01:00.000+10:00

401 Brunswick St, Fitzroy VIC 3065
Ph (03) 9417 0880

I remember visiting Polly many years ago on one of my first visits to Melbourne, and marvelling at the décor & innovative cocktail list. I went back a couple of weeks ago for the first time, and I have to say the place was looking a bit tired. The cocktails were still nice and the staff friendly, but it’s obvious the owners haven’t done any maintenance since the place opened…so could be worth investing a bit of cash and getting it up to scratch again!!

COOKIE

2010-05-30T16:54:00.000+10:00

Level 1, 252 Swanston St (Curtin House), Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 7660

Cookie is nice. Nice cocktails, good crowd, friendly staff. I’m not sure what more I can say! It’s a no-brainer.

THE FITZROY PINNACLE

2010-05-30T12:26:00.000+10:00

251 St Georges Rd, Fitzroy North VIC 3068
Ph(03) 9489 3044

Not only does the Pinnacle look awesome from the outside, it’s awesome on the inside too! It has a great front bar and even better beer garden. The food is cheap and the servings are huge, they have a good wine and beer selection, and live bands. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon that relaxing in the beer garden enjoying some live music….unless of course I was spending it catching up on the blog!!

CABINET BAR

2010-05-30T12:17:00.000+10:00

11 Rainbow Alley, Melbourne VIC 3000

Cabinet bar is a cute little place on Swanston, however in true Melbourne style you enter from a rear laneway. The space is lovely, bar staff were delightful, and their signature cocktail (the name of which I tried to find out from my friend I was there with, she didn’t know, so I looked on their website, no cocktail menu!! So sorry about the name fail, it was very nice though..) is most definitely worth a try!

BELLA UNION

2010-05-30T11:37:00.000+10:00

Bella Union is a strange space in the trades union hall on Victoria St in Carlton. The venue hosts indie pop nights, comedy festival shows, theatre and art exhibitions. I’ve also been to quiz nights there…it’s a cute space and the website is always worth a look to see what’s coming up.

MELBOURNE SUPPER CLUB/SIGLO BAR

2010-05-18T11:49:00.002+10:00

1st/161 Spring St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9654 6300

From what I hear the Supper Club has been around for quite some time, dare I say “Melbourne Institution”?? The supper club is great. You can relax on a leather armchair on level 1, or enjoy the view of parliament house from the terrace. This is the perfect place for a nightcap and a cigar if you’ve been to see a show or just eaten at the top end of town. Drinks aren’t exactly cheap, but hey, it’s Melbourne and the Supper Club is definitely not the kind of place that do happy hours or 2-4-1 specials. The only food I’ve had there is the dip & bread, which is lovely, and the cocktails are well made. Definitely check it out.

DOUTTA GALLA HOTEL

2010-05-18T11:41:00.000+10:00

Racecourse Road - Flemington
Ph (03) 9376 7233

Only a few minutes out of the city, are you able to feel like you are in some kind of Zone 2 craphole. This pub is not at all what I would have expected in “trendy” Kensington. I am considering moving here, having heard that there are lots of great bars and restaurants, however if this is an example I am staying well away.

I ventured into Doutta Galla one Friday night after a delicious Laksa King outing, and what I found inside was uninspiring. Shit music, drunk, aggressive punters (which at 8pm is a little early, no?) overpriced beers, and wtf is up with the green neon light under the bar? Not recommended.

GOLDEN MONKEY

2010-05-18T11:38:00.000+10:00

389 Lonsdale St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9602 2055

I liiiike Golden Monkey. Downstairs on Hardware Lane, this cute little bar is nicely decorated and well laid out. Space is used well using screens to carve up cosy little corners and seating areas. Bar snacks are nice as are the staff. Doesn’t get overly crowded, so is perfect for Friday night drinks. Will definitely be a winter favourite.

BAR LOURINHA

2010-05-18T10:01:00.000+10:00

37 Little Collins St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 7890

Wow. Bar Lourinha is awesome! I ventured there with a couple of girlfriends after work on a weeknight. They don’t take bookings so unfortunately we had to wait around an hour for a table, during which time we polished off a bottle of wine. Oh dear. But anyway, the food was fantastic. Servings were generous and freakin’ delicious. The kingfish sashimi was my favourite. We also had a wonderful mushroom dish, chorizo and some amazing prawns. Apart from the wait time, Bar Lourinha is 1000% recommended.

LIAR LIAR

2010-05-18T09:51:00.000+10:00

90 Kinkora Rd Hawthorn VIC 3122
Ph (03) 9818 8864

A good friend of mine recently moved into a place at Hawthorn and wanted to start checking out all the good breakfast places in the area. So on a recommendation, we headed to Liar Liar. Overall, I was impressed. The coffee was wonderful, and the food was also very nice. It was busy, but we were still able to get a table no worries. The eggs were poached perfectly and the hollandaise sauce was good. Everyone at the table enjoyed their breakfast and I would definitely be interested in going again and trying their lunch menu.

EUROPEAN BIER CAFÉ

2010-05-18T09:45:00.001+10:00

120 Exhibition St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 1222

You know I am constantly baffled as to why any person under 40 (or 25, which most of the patrons of the European Bier Café are) would want to dance around to a cover band playing “Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again” or “Run to Paradise”! Did I suddenly teleport to the Bridgeway Hotel? Oh that’s right of course I didn’t, because bogans like eccies and David Guetta now and the Bridgeway has hard house nights…

Anyway I digress…you know when you’re having a bit of a night out, and you’ve already gone to a few places, but you feel like a dance but you’re not sure what to, and you move from place to place, and then you get to that point where you accept you’re just not going to arrive at the magical cool place you envision in your mind and decide to just go with the flow and have a good time? Well that’s what was going through my mind when I ended up at the European. Yes they had a cover band, the cover band played terrible music (they played one Hives song to show how ‘edgy’ and ‘alternative’ they were) and there were loads of very drunk people there (members of my group included) but meh, everyone was having fun. And you don’t want to be the too-cool-for-school person pouting in the corner because you don’t usually ‘do’ cover bands and ‘this isn’t my kind of place.’ No one likes that person!

The European also has really good drink specials. All night! So that alone is enough for a boozehag thumbs up, because maintaining my addiction isn’t cheap you know! Also it takes a lot to get kicked out of here…you can fall over on the dance floor whilst trying to sexy dance, fall over on the dance floor doing air guitar to the cover band, fall over on the dance floor pashing someone, just don’t pretend you’re going to wee off the balcony. THAT will get you kicked out!

THE LONG ROOM

2010-05-17T17:49:00.000+10:00

162 Collins St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 7226

Hmmm so I went here for a work drinks thing…as the Long Room isn’t the sort of place I would probably normally go to. It’s nice, good layout, nice couches etc, I think the clientele is just a little pretentious is all. Although it turns out they have Patrón here, which I was force fed by my manager. Yeah, totally had my arm twisted! Go here if your work is picking up the tab and get yourself a shot of Patrón!

CHARLIE’S BAR

2010-05-17T17:45:00.000+10:00

Basement, 71 Hardware Lane, Melbourne VIC 3001
Ph (03) 9600 1454

Oh dear, it seems as though they are all starting to look the same. What am I going to do? Have a break? NEVER!!! So Charlie’s bar, hardware lane,down some stairs, blah blah blah, nice décor, cute division of space, personable bartenders. A good place to go for a pre-dinner drink, post-show discussion or cozy date.

AUCTION ROOMS

2010-05-17T11:27:00.001+10:00

103-107 Errol St, North Melbourne VIC 3051

Ph (03) 9326 7749

Dench bakery bread? Check. Phrases such as “smashed avocado” adorning the menu? Check. Cheeky, preppily attired staff? Check. Sounds like a fast-track to white Melbournian breakfast nirvana, doesn’t it? Well Auction Rooms do OK. The building is just gorgeous, and has been decorated just right. Even though this place gets quite busy on weekends, there is plenty of space to sit, although I’m not sure offering two very hung over boozehags a space at the end of a table that also seated loud children was a good idea!

The breakfasts were very good indeed. As was the coffee and fresh juice. I did go for the poached eggs with smashed avocado, I was curious to see what smashed avocado specifically entailed. Well, I can tell you, it is avocado, that has been smushed up pretty decently, but is not smooth enough to be called guacamole or some other 90’s sounding word. I’d be keen to check it out for lunch too, as the menu items looked pretty delectable. The staff were good too, except when it started raining a little and we asked if we could be moved inside. This seemed to be a huge problem, and we didn’t really think it was an unreasonable request. So if you go, and it’s getting cloudy and looks like it might rain, wait for an inside table (or cop the ones with kids crawling all over it), because they will not move you if it starts to rain!!

SHANGHAI NOODLE HOUSE

2010-05-17T10:12:00.000+10:00

15 Tattersalls Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000

So a group of us wandered in here after going to Camy’s, only to discover they were pushing that skanky, shite banquet on all their punters (who were still lining up in the rain for it – get a clue peoples!!). So, we thought, why not try this place, it looks allright doesn’t it? And we were very pleased.

They don’t serve alcohol, but do BYO, so we nipped down to Lt Bourke St and got a bottle of wine, and had some seriously tasty dumplings. The walls are decorated with brightly coloured pieces of cardboard which advertise specials and menu items, which I found cute. It reminded me a lot of some of the places in Adelaide’s Chinatown. The food was lovely and cheap. The waiter was very friendly, and we were not unceremoniously kicked out as soon as the last dumpling had passed our lips, like some other cheap Chinatown establishments! I’ve been there twice now, and both times had a great experience and ate lots of delicious dumplings. So if you wander down Tatersalls lane for Camy’s and either a) there is a line or b) it’s banquet only, go next door. You won’t regret it!

THE LOUNGE

2010-05-05T13:29:00.000+10:00

Level 1, 243 Swanston St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 2916

The Lounge is not a bad little bar. It’s looking a little tired and is not as trendy as some, but hey it’s down to earth and it doesn’t hit your wallet too hard either. The balcony give a nice view over Swanston St and they have good midweek specials. It’s a pretty large space too so could be good for meeting large groups etc, when you are concerned about everyone getting in or people having to line up because places are too full. Although I did go one Friday night for a glass of wine after dinner, and they tried to charge us to get in! We didn’t pay, of course, but the Lounge is not really the sort of place I will pay to get into!!

ROOFTOP BAR

2010-05-05T13:20:00.000+10:00

Level 6, Curtin House, 252 Swanston St Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 3596

The rooftop bar is a reliable old favourite. They always are playing cool music, and they have the best view of any of the rooftop bars in the city. During summer they play cult classic movies, setting up comfy deck chairs, and even providing blankets on colder summer nights. It’s a great place to go on a sunny Friday afternoon for a knock off. Also good for taking interstate visitors. Not so good in winter.

THE TOFF IN TOWN

2010-05-05T13:16:00.001+10:00

Level 2, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9639 8770

The Toff in Town, located at Curtin House – neverfail home of no less than 3 bars in one building! The Toff is cute, with nice little booths and a cute balcony. They do swing class here on Monday nights which is also fun. I like the way they have used their space and divided it up. Compulsory viewing.

CAMPARI HOUSE

2010-05-05T13:14:00.000+10:00

23-25 Hardware lane, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9600 1574

Within the space of a few weeks it seems as though Campari House has become the new cool place for Friday night drinks. It’s not a bad place, either. Located on hardware lane (win), Campari House consists of a restaurant on the ground floor, a lounge bar on the first floor and rooftop bar on the second floor. The lounge bar is nicely set out, and a rooftop bar is always a winner. Except in winter, I guess…but Campari house has the other two levels to make up for that I suppose. Besides, any place with a rooftop bar would make an absolute killing in summer so it would more than make up for the cold winter months. Campari House has a good cocktail list, and makes good use of its namesake (another win, there’s too many generic cocktail lists out there!!). It’s definitely worth a look.

DUMPLINGS PLUS

2010-04-27T12:55:00.001+10:00

269 Swanston St, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9663 8181

Dumplings Plus….does not serve vegetarian dumplings. Massive Dumpling Fail!! My friend S and I, who is vego, went to get some dumplings after a few drinks….sat down, only to find they don’t have vegetable dumplings on the menu!! WTF is this shit?!?!? Not good enough, I think vegie dumplings should be a given at any self-respecting dumpling house. This aside, the food we did order was quite nice. We had Tom Yum tofu, which was lovely, and massive, with some fried rice and chinese green vegetables. Staff were friendly, food is cheap and quick. If you are vego, don’t go to Dumplings Plus! Otherwise it’s all good.

MURMUR

2010-04-27T09:48:00.002+10:00

17 Warburton lane, Melbourne VIC 3000
Ph (03) 9640 0395

Down a laneway, up some stairs, Murmur is a cute little bar that is nicely decorated, comfortable and has enough charm and personality to draw you in for a few after dinner bevvies. Check it out.

THE NIGHT CAT

2010-04-27T09:44:00.003+10:00

141 Johnston St, Fitzroy VIC 3065
Ph (03) 9654 0444

The night cat is a great club, and has been for quite some time now. It gets quite busy on weekends, but the line moves quickly and once inside it is not overly tight or squishy. Always good for a boogie, the night cat has live bands of a funk/soul/latin nature. There is always an eclectic crowd there, and I am happy to say it is usually douche-free. Most weekends there is no cover charge which is refreshing. Thursday nights they do salsa dancing which is always fun. Definitely worth a visit if you haven’t already.

THE FLYING DUCK

2010-04-21T16:00:00.001+10:00

67 Bendigo St Prahran VIC 3181
Ph (03) 9510 1173

The Flying Duck is a lovely pub to while away a sunny Sunday afternoon. Its location (set back from Chapel St), means that the place is never crowded or full of tourists who caught the train in from Frangga for the arvo to buy some Ed Hardy. The Flying Duck has one of the nicest beer gardens I’ve ever seen. I love the palm trees, the long wooden benches and the glass atrium room. I also like the way the pub still has the old school front bar with a few regulars and sport on the telly.

Drink prices are also much more reasonable than some of the Flying Duck’s Chapel St counterparts. There is a good selection of tap beers and the wine list is great, again very reasonably priced. The food is acceptable, but I think it could be better, and more interesting and inventive. Food prices could probably be around 10-15% cheaper, given that it’s a locals pub, but this is only a minor complaint. Don’t let my nitpicking about the food put you off. If it’s a sunny afternoon and you’re down that way you must stop by.

LITTLE CREATURES DINING HALL

2010-04-19T14:53:00.001+10:00

222 Brunswick St, Fitzroy 3065
Ph (03) 9417 5500

I love Little Creatures Dining Hall. The main reason I love it so much is that they have pipsqueak cider on tap, and you can buy a pint of the stuff for $8.50. Ahhhhhh……..

And on to the venue. Great beerhall layout. It’s huge so it’s usually fairly easy to get a table. Even on a Saturday night when it’s at its busiest you can sit at the bar and enjoy a pint or two of cider while you wait for a table. The menu is designed to share, which is fine with me, with delicious pizzas (the potato and rosemary is the best) and lovely tapas. The chips are amazing. The staff are always friendly. My only criticism is that they could change the menu seasonally. Other than that, this is a great place to go for a drink and something to eat. It’s a great place to start a night out on Fitzroy St. Go this weekend.

ALUMBRA

2010-04-13T12:07:00.001+10:00

9/161 Harbour Esplanade, Docklands VIC 3008

Ph (03) 8623 9666

I’d heard from a few sources that Alumbra was overly pretentious, full of beautiful people and generally quite crap. Didn’t sound like my kind of place at all. So when a girlfriend had her birthday drinks there, I was keen to see if it lived up to the hype.

Sunday night apparently is Alumbra’s big night. I usually like to get a good start to the week, so going out on a Sunday (and getting all dressed up like it’s a Saturday!) felt a bit weird. So did paying a $12 cover charge, on a Sunday? Really? Wow, OK then!

So after paying a cover charge (an incident of which this only the second occurrence since I moved to Melbourne, not including bands of course) my friend and I went to the bar and ordered 2 glasses of wine, and 2 glasses of water. I was then informed by the barman that they did not serve water in glasses, only in ridiculously small bottles, and these bottles cost $5 each. WHAT??? Had I suddenly teleported to a summer music festival? When I enquired if this practice was in fact legal (as I was under the impression licensed venues were obliged to provide free drinking water), I was told these were the “house rules”. I didn’t press the matter further, but I was definitely pissed off. I mean, legalities aside, it’s not like I was being stingy!! I just paid $12 to get in, then another $9 for a glass of wine! I was just trying to pace myself a little since I had to work the next day, and I have to get penalised for that? So no, I actually just bought the wine and figured if I got thirsty I could take my empty wine glass into the toilets for some tasty Melbourne tap water, of which I can’t get enough. Classy, I know, but I’m stubborn, and I wasn’t going to let those greedy motherfuckers get their hands on any more of my hard earned dosh than they absolutely had to.

Right, now that my rant is over, let’s talk about the club. They have a really nice view, and I guess it is decorated OK. The music was allright, and they have a live band. Sunday nights they do a barbecue, which I didn’t eat but it looked pretty good. The crowd wasn’t half as pretentious as I had been led to believe. Yes there was a bit of Ed Hardy here and there and lots of beautiful people, but they weren’t so bad. I probably won’t go back again, but that’s just because it’s not really my scene, and perhaps because I’m a bit too tight to pay cover charges:)

SAN CHOI

2010-04-13T11:57:00.000+10:00

352 Chapel Street, South Yarra VIC 3141

Ph (03 9826 9933)

I walked past San Choi a thousand times before I actually went in there. It is open late, and I found myself there around midnight one Saturday night after a movie and a few drinks. You know that stage when you realise you forgot to have dinner and you’re half pissed and need to eat something right now before you crash and burn? That’s how we were when we ended up at San Choi.

The menu is quite extensive and our tipsy brains were struggling to make a decision. Luckily our waiter was super-awesome and was able to make some solid suggestions based on the vague statements we had made regarding our needs. Our food came out quickly and tasted good. We had some prawn toast, chinese broccoli (I am obsessed with it) a chicken dish and some spicy squid. All were good – the squid was my favourite. Reasonable prices as well, and that waiter really was very good. He was really good at his job and didn’t seem to mind at all that he was serving drunk white people late on a Saturday night. I’d like to go back and check it out again for a proper dinner, rather than a stomach liner!

MOVIDA

2010-04-13T11:44:00.000+10:00

1 Hosier lane, Melbourne
Ph (03) 9663 3038

So I get a bit of shit when I blog about a place and don’t put photos up. But it seems when I eat out with these two lovely ladies I’m having such a fabulous time I forget all about my little ‘project’ and leave the camera in my handbag.Entonces, Movida. This was my second time there and I had enjoyed the first visit a lot, so was looking forward to part II. And I wasn’t disappointed. The food was great and the service could not be faulted. We started off with some of those (are they Ortiz?) anchovies with tomato sorbet. YUM. We also had olives, barramundi, grilled octopus and valencian salad. I loved them all! The barramundi was delicious, and that salad is lovely. I’m not usually a fan of mixing sweet with savoury but I love the taste of the orange mixed in with the olives and fennel.
And the churros, ohhhhh, the churros. Best churros in Melbourne - hands down. And I would know; I am a bit of a churro-slut. They were so good. My friend B had never had them before and I am so glad she had Movida’s churros as her first ever!

We stuck to sangria as our drinks, and it was nice, but it didn’t seem very strong (or is that just because I am a boozehag and it takes vats of the stuff to bring me down?). I liked Matador’s better. Other than that, go Movida. They’ve found their niche in the market and are killing it. It’s tempting to take a bit of a stab at them, being tall poppies and all that, but they are good. Our bill was only around $50 each too, which was much less than what I was expecting. Although we definitely didn’t pig out, but I think most people know that if you are going to Movida you aren’t going to get huge quantities of food. It’s a less-is-more kind of place. If you go in with that attitude, you’ll be fine.

THE DECK

2010-03-30T12:12:00.001+11:00

The Deck is one of those bars I would never go to normally, but always seem to end up there for after work drinks. They do have a nice outdoor area, so it’s good if the weather is nice. On Thursday nights they have a $10 pizza + drink deal which is pretty good value. I had a greek pizza with salt & pepper squid, tzatziki and greek salad, it was quite tasty actually.

It does get really busy though on a Friday night, so be prepared! They also play generic Ministry Of Sound music, so why they even bother employing the services of a DJ is beyond me – just whack on the MOS annual, it’s pretty much what you’re playing anyway! So when you’re at the deck, make sure it’s with work people and you go in with an open mind!

THE QUIET MAN

2010-03-23T13:36:00.000+11:00

271 Racecourse Rd Kensington, VIC 3031
Ph 03 93766232

We wandered in here on a Wednesday night after our laksa King adventure, and the Quiet Man was a little quiet, but a cute little pub nonetheless. Although even though the pub was dead it still somehow took us 20 mins to get served!! I’ve been told by a girlfriend who lives in Kensington to go back on a weekend before I make my final assessment. So stay tuned.

ARGY BARGY

2010-03-11T17:25:00.001+11:00

263 Carlisle St, Balaclava VIC 3183

Ph (03) 9527 2122

Are you suffering from 90’s nostalgia? Find that no-one’s getting your Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pop culture references?? Well head down to Argy Bargy on Carlisle St. It’s like being in your mate’s share house lounge room, except this share house has beer on tap and makes wicked pizzas. Argy Bargy is decorated with 90’s images…so there’s a lot of fun to be had remembering how much you loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Captain Planet! Staff and patrons are friendly - I’ve gotten into a few random conversations! Jugs are cheap and they have lots of specials and a happy hour. Try the dirty sanchez.

MADAME BRUSSELS

2010-03-11T16:57:00.000+11:00

59 Bourke St, Melbourne VIC 3000

Ph (03) 9662 2775

Madame Brussels is fabulous. It is one of the many wonderful themed bars in Melbourne – I love them! The Alice in Wonderland, croquet-and-a-Pimm’s theme works a charm, and there is a great rooftop area. And a pool in summer when it’s hot!! The staff all dress in line with the theme, which makes it work even better. They only sell international beers, which I think is a little weird. They have Quilmes though which is pretty nice! They also do tasty Pimm’s jugs (although the amount of actual Pimm’s in the jugs is questionable) and cocktails. Very refreshing after a hard day’s work! Great bar to take out-of-town visitors (like my Mum, who loved the place!!) and great for a knock off or a nightcap if you’ve had dinner down that end of town.

GYPSIES BAR AND CAFE

2010-03-09T18:18:00.004+11:00

107 Acland St, St Kilda VIC 3182

This is a cute little place down Acland St in St Kilda. I had a lovely salmon steak and my girlfriend K had a good serve of eggs with salmon and avocado. Prices were reasonable and the staff were friendly. I’m not writing a lot because it didn’t differentiate itself greatly from other restaurants but the food was nice and I would definitely go there again.

NORTHCOTE SOCIAL CLUB

2010-03-09T10:14:00.003+11:00

301 High St, Northcote VIC 3070

Ph (03) 9489 3917

One sunny Sunday afternoon, I thought I would head to Northcote and see what all the fuss was about! The social club was a cool place. The deck out the back is the perfect place to while away a lazy afternoon. The social club is also host to some great bands, and attracts a good crowd. The food was good, reasonably priced pub fare. My friend and I shared a vegie burger and a serve of nachos. Both were huge serves and tasted pretty good. Another friend had a calamari salad, and told me that adding pickles to the salad was “a stroke of genius.” So you’ve been told!!

LAKSA KING

2010-03-09T09:54:00.004+11:00

Shop 3, 320 Racecourse Road, Kensington, VIC 3031

Ph (03) 9372 6383

Recently I was complaining to a friend that I had not yet found a laksa that is comparable to, or even in the same solar system as the laksa from Chinatown café in Adelaide. This friend told me that I had to try Laksa King, as they did the best Laksas in Melbourne. A big call, but I was keen to check it out! So on a Wednesday night went to Kensington and dragged a group of mates with me.

Well I’m happy to say it definitely was the best laksa I’ve had since I’ve been in Melbourne! The soup was pretty good, I liked the combination of vermicelli and egg noodles, and they didn’t skimp on the seafood either. There was also a good amount of tofu and eggplant in the dish. Some friends got the vegetarian version which looked great too. It was a Wednesday night and the place was packed, there were people waiting for tables and a huge crowd getting take away too.

How does it compare to Chinatown café? Well I am definitely biased since I’ve been a Chinatown café devotee for about 11 years now, so I still like Chinatown café better, but Laksa King is a close second. Check it out!

SHARK FIN HOUSE

2010-03-02T11:30:00.002+11:00

131 Little Bourke St, Melbourne VIC 3000

Ph (03) 9663 1555

I just got back from a lovely brunch with two girlfriends at Shark Fin House. I can’t believe I had never been there before!! It was so good! As far as Yum Cha goes, the food was excellent and there was a great variety of dishes to choose from. I am supposed to be at the gym now working it off, but I decided I was too behind on the blog to exercise!! The dumplings were superb, the prawn toast was excellent, the chinese broccoli was nice, but the best thing EVER was the sago pudding – Oh my GOD! I had never had it before; because I don’t really have much of a sweet tooth I usually fill up on savouries at Yum Cha and skip the desserts. I was about to do the same today, but decided to have a taste of the Sago pudding before the girls finished it off, because they were raving about how tasty it was. I had basically just finished my little monologue about not having a sweet tooth, blah, blah, blah when I had a taste of the pudding and it was so good my eyes almost popped out of my head with excitement! Then I proceeded to scoff the rest of the pudding, much to the amusement of the girls!! We decided to get another one to share because one third each wasn’t enough!!

A few people have said to me that the service is pretty bad, but I found it to be OK. You shouldn’t expect silver service at Yum Cha; it’s all part of the experience. There was always a trolley coming around to our table, and I even got a couple of smiles out of our waitress. They had a lot of staff working the floor; all in all I thought it was a very tight operation considering they have three floors to manage! I definitely recommend this place and will be going back again soon.

SECTION 8

2010-03-02T10:14:00.003+11:00

27-29 Tatersalls Lane Melbourne VIC 3000

0422 972 656

Section 8 is a great bar to start a night. As long as it’s not pissing down with rain, of course!! But Section 8 is so good it can usually draw a crowd despite inclement weather. This bar (also known as the container bar) started as a somewhat temporary fixture, but over time has shown somepromise of of permanency, for example when they installed a roof for winter! I love the simplicity of the idea - everyone sits around on wooden platforms, people watching and admiring the cool graffiti.

The bar serves a good array of bottled beers, wines and cocktails. Always attracts a good crowd. One of the other things I love about this place is if you go for after work drinks, they make guys take their tie off before they can come in! This is my kind of place.

2 DOORS DOWN

2010-03-02T10:00:00.002+11:00

159 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda, VIC 3182
Ph (03) 9525 3383

Uhhhhh…..this place had a $5 Pimms special, so my girlfriend and I stopped by for a couple on a hot Saturday afternoon. The Pimms was lovely and the staff were friendly. Comfy seats out the front too. $5 Pimms peoples!!

THE CORNER HOTEL

2010-02-23T12:47:00.003+11:00

57 Swan St, Richmond VIC 3121

Ph (03) 9427 9198

The Corner Hotel is a Melbourne institution. So many great bands have graced its band room, I love this place. The downstairs bar is a little on the dingy side, however the rooftop as huge, and is a great place to hang for a sneaky beer before a footy game or a show. Wintertime is still game on for the rooftop as they have a pretty good amount of cover and lots of heaters.

Food-wise, the Corner offers standard pub grub (but with some good vego options), they have a $14 pot and parma deal on Wednesday nights and other specials during the week. The menu is a little heavy on the deep fried food. It’s more a place you come to drink and see bands rather than sit down and have a nice meal.

The Corner always draws a really eclectic crowd as you get punters, locals and a few footy heads (who aren’t feral enough for the Precinct or The Swan) which I like. The staff are usually friendly, the rooftop does get pretty busy on Friday and Saturday nights, and they always have a great line up of bands playing. Get on the mailing list if you’re not already!!

THE LEFT BANK

2010-02-23T12:29:00.001+11:00

1 Southbank Blvd, Southbank VIC 3006
Ph (03) 9682 4500

The Left Bank is a good place to go for after work drinks. It is large, so good to find a seat and you get served relatively quickly at the bar. They also do meals and bar snacks which are good for those munchies you get when you’ve had a couple of beers and haven’t eaten since lunch, thus are a good stomach liner. The interior is nicely decorated, albeit unoriginal. Don’t come here if you are wearing sneakers, they won’t let you in! They have a good sized outdoor area which is good for people watching. Nice location, not a bad bar.

LA LA LAND

2010-02-23T12:25:00.001+11:00

134 Chapel St, Windsor VIC 3181
Ph (03) 9533 8972

La la land is a cute little bar at the Windsor end of Chapel. It attracts a good, mixed crowd, serves reasonably priced drinks and is a nice place to hang out. They play pretty cool music and it doesn’t get ridiculously busy on a Saturday night. Definitely recommended.

THE SOCIAL

2010-02-23T12:22:00.001+11:00

116 Chapel St, Windsor VIC 3181
Ph (03) 9521 3979

I was keen to try this place out because I had walked past a few times and liked the purple couches and circular-shaped entranceway. When I went inside, I found they were playing generic Ministry of Sound-style music (a pet hate of mine) so we elected to sit outside but felt like we were basically sitting on the road as our seats were right by the barrier. The staff were friendly and the crowd seemed nice, but we only stayed for one drink.

PUNCH LANE

2010-02-23T11:38:00.004+11:00

43 Little Bourke St, Melbourne VIC 3000

Ph (03) 9639 4944

Punch Lane was recommended to me by a girlfriend as my parents were coming to town and I wanted to go somewhere nice, but not too ‘weird’ or ‘different’ as my Dad is pretty fussy with his food. In this respect Punch Lane was perfect. Dad liked it, which meant Mum was happy too.

The staff at Punch Lane were outstanding. They knew their product, very friendly and seemed very passionate about good food. The wine list was also very good, lots of SA wines which I liked!!

We decided to share some entrees and order separate mains. We had some olives, dips and bread and a serve of asparagus with persian feta and black pepper zabaglione. I thought the asparagus was way overpriced as an entrée; it was $19 and there were 6 spears of asparagus on the plate. I thought that was taking the piss a little bit. But other than that the entrees were lovely.

For my main I ordered a prawn and pea risotto which had a nice flavour but I found the rice was a little too crunchy for my liking. You might even say it was undercooked. My best friend M had a lovely gnocchi with pesto, pecorino and ricotta stuffed zucchini flower, the sauce was just delicious. There was also a great scallop dish (with peas, cherry tomatoes and pancetta); fish, crispy duck confit and Dad had a rib-eye which he really enjoyed.

I would definitely recommend Punch Lane as a place to try (or take your parents if they are visiting from out of town!!) but unfortunately it did have one or two things that let it down food-wise. I don’t mind forking out a bit of cash from time to time, but I guess that when I’m paying over $30 for a main I do have much higher expectations than I otherwise would.

THE ITALIAN WAITERS RESTAURANT

2010-02-22T15:07:00.002+11:00

20 Meyers Pl, Melbourne VIC 3000
PH (03) 9650 1508

I had heard about the waiters bar from a girlfriend – whose recommendations I trust. Although now I’ll be thinking twice about listening to her!! Apparently this place is yet another ‘Melbourne Institution’, having opened in 1947 as a refuge for Italian and Spanish waiters. The waiters restaurant was cute, decorated like a traditional old style Italian restaurant (in actual fact this is probably the original decoration of the place, it just hasn’t been updated for 50 years…). The staff were lovely and seemed to really enjoy working there, which is always refreshing.

The food was not so great. I ordered a spinach crepe from the specials board which was quite nice, but a little on the oily side. The pasta my friend ordered tasted like it had come straight from a “Latina fresh” packet with some D’Oro jar sauce poured over the top. If I want to eat that I can do that quite easily at home (although I at least make my own sauce for my Latina pasta, which is more than I can say for this place!) .I definitely don’t want to pay for something I can do at home in 5 minutes AND tastes better. So unfortunately, no I won’t be returning to the waiter’s restaurant.

El Matador

2010-02-22T15:00:00.001+11:00

376 Smith St, Collingwood VIC 3065
(03) 9417 2233

I heard that El Matador does the best Spanish food in Melbourne. So a couple of friends and I decided to check it out one night. It was great. I enjoyed the food and the company so much that I forgot to take photos, so apologies for that but I’m going to blog about it anyway.

El Matador is attached to a pub, a bit different for a Spanish restaurant but it works. We started with a jug of Sangria, which was really nice, and ordered some entrees to share. The entrees were great. Patatas bravas, mushrooms in garlic sauce and chorizo – all beautiful! Then for the main the three of us decided to share a seafood paella - usually intended for two. The paella was fantastic. It was perfectly cooked, nothing had stuck to the bottom of the pan and gotten burnt, and the flavour was great. AND it wasn’t skimpy on the seafood – there were loads of prawns and mussels!

The food at El Matador was VERY reasonably priced AND the servings were generous, (characteristics that are NOT shared with one of our fair city’s most popular tapas eateries…Movida I’m looking at you!!). It was traditional and rustic in style which I enjoyed. So get down to Smith St and check it out.

MITTE

2010-02-08T16:23:00.005+11:00

76 Michael St, Fitzroy North

A girlfriend of mine who lives in Fitzroy North recommended this place to me. It’s got a reputation as one of the best breakfast places in Melbourne. So one hot Sunday afternoon we headed down for brunch. Mitte is small, so there was a bit of a wait, but it was definitely worth it.
Since I heard Mitte is famous for having some of the best poached eggs around, I opted for the poached egg with smoked salmon. Oh my GOD it was delicious! The organic, free range eggs were poached to perfection, atop wholegrain Dench bakery bread, with just the right amount of runny yolk inside. The smoked salmon came with a lovely salad with apple, fennel and a dill mayonnaise. My friends ordered the omelette which looked great, although I think it could have been a little rich for me.

Staff at Mitte were young, cool, quirky and friendly. The coffee is good and they have a nice selection of freshly squeezed juices and home made lemonades and other refreshments. It’s no wonder this place is always packed, particularly considering its location – it’s bang on for Fitzroy. Check it out.

DER RAUM

2010-02-08T15:46:00.003+11:00

438 Church St, Richmond

Der Raum is a truly amazing bar. Located near the intersection of Church & Swan Sts in Richmond, the unassuming entrance bears little indication to the treasures that lie within. Der Raum is well known in foodie and industry circles (has featured in Gourmet Traveller magazine and also wins numerous bar awards) yet still manages to attract an eclectic and unpretentious crowd. And the cocktails, oh the cocktails. These guys really have a passion for making original cocktails and using only the best ingredients. It’s enough to make this little boozehag’s heart melt.

So while cocktails are priced between around $15 and $25 (unless you go for some of the more expensive liquors) - yes $20 is a lot to pay for a drink – however most bars charge around the $15-$20 mark for cocktails, Der Raum sets the bar quite high and other Melbourne bars pale in comparison. I mean what would you rather have: a badly-made, unoriginal cocktail with cheap spirits or a creative, innovative drink? The bartenders make cocktail-making into an art form - and I’m not talking Bryan Brown Cocktail-style with lame bottle spinning moves. I’m talking dry ice machines, weird sugar bong things and cool themes, like the pharmacy cocktail which consists of a ‘medicine’ jar, syringe and pill. It does take a while to get served, but this is to be expected in a place like this and a certain camaraderie exists at the bar as customers chat to each other and check out (and sometimes sample) their fellow patron’s drinks.

As well as some old favourites like the martini, caipirinha and mojito, Der Raum also serves new and original creations, along with old style drinks like the 1864 Manhattan. Der Raum also runs cocktail making workshops and information evenings on weeknights which I always mean to go to but haven’t quite made it yet. One day I will though. The original menu and the information nights reflect the owners’ passion for their work. They must be very happy indeed, because they seem to be doing what they love.

Der Raum is not a place to go for a quiet afternoon beer, nor a place to spend an entire evening (unless you’re well cashed up). I usually go for a special occasion or a nightcap after seeing a gig at the Corner. Definitely worth checking out.

NORTH EAST CHINA FAMILY RESTAURANT

2010-02-08T15:25:00.003+11:00

302 Flinders Lane, Melbourne

After reading the blog ‘stuff white people like in Melbourne’ (stuffwhitepeoplelikeinmelbourne.blogspot.com – it’s very funny, you should check it out), I became very ashamed of the frequency of my visits to Shanghai Dumpling House. So I decided that I should get out there and try some other dumpling places. A girlfriend recommended it to me, so my friend D and I went to check it out one Friday night after work.

So, the first thing that had to be said is when we walked in to the restaurant, the waiter asked us if we wanted forks. Now, as someone from the northern suburbs of Adelaide who didn’t pick up her first set of chopsticks until the age of 18, and who has managed to overcome the adversity of her bogan heritage and fashion herself into a worldly, urban professional (although will exploit her bogan cred where appropriate/advantageous), OF COURSE I DON’T WANT A FUCKING FORK!! Of course, the waiter didn’t know my life story, however, if he had a clue he would know that any self-respecting white Melbournian wants to show how highly developed their chopstick-wielding skills are. Asking for a fork is like saying “I am a huge bogan and I have no idea about ethnic cuisine and yes some lemon chicken would be great thanks.”

So, forkless, we sat down and ordered some dumplings and a side serve of vegetables. I asked the waiter for a beer – the waiter (for whom English was a second language) didn’t understand what I said and asked me to repeat what I wanted. After saying “Beer” a few different ways (BEE-er, Bay-er, Be-EER) and gesturing desperately at the beer fridge, he went away, but instead of returning with an icy cold beer what does he bring me?? A FUCKING FORK, THAT’S WHAT! So I guess the waiter was like “hmmm I have no idea what this girl is asking for, she is white, she must want a fork, yeah that’s probably what she wants, I’ll go get her a fork, yeah, a fork.” I was furious, D thought this was absolutely hilarious, and in hindsight (now that I am over the trauma of it all), it was pretty funny.

So I had better move on to the food. It wasn’t bad, more expensive than Shanghai Dumpling ($8 for a plate of 15 vegetarian dumplings) but the dumplings were quite nice. The chinese vegetables we had were also good. The restaurant is also more spacious than Shanghai Dumpling, and they have their own branded crockery which is quite cute.

About halfway through the meal, my dining companion D found a plastic key tag in his dumplings. This is not good. When I pointed out to the waitress that we had found a foreign object in our food, she simply went “uhh”, and took the key tag into the kitchen. There was no look of horror, no embarrassment and no apology! This incident has caused a great deal of argument between myself and D, because I think that something like that is really, really bad (having worked in food service before), whereas he doesn’t think it’s much of a big deal (he used to work at Subway – I guess their food hygiene and safety standards aren’t that high). Although about 2 weeks after our visit, it actually dawned on me that I continued to eat my meal after the discovery of the key tag. So while I was happy to harp on about it obviously subconsciously I wasn’t concerned enough to actually stop eating!

I went back to North East China Family a couple of weeks ago – I thought they deserved a second chance. I’m happy to report that this time there was no plastic key tag in the food and I didn’t have any forks pushed on me by waiters who are insensitive to the struggles that the bogan race faces every day. The food was again good. I am still undecided though – I just don’t know if I can recommend a restaurant that doesn’t even give a shit when random objects make their way into customers food. Makes for a good story though.

CAMY’S SHANGHAI DUMPLING HOUSE

2010-02-08T15:23:00.003+11:00

25 Tattersalls Lane, Melbourne

OK, so I LOVE Shanghai dumpling. This is probably the only restaurant I have waited outside in the rain for! Yes, I go there a lot, and yes, there have been stories of cockroaches in the kitchen, and yes the staff are rude (there is one particularly vile girl who usually is working upstairs, and every time you look in her general direction she looks at you like she is going to come into your bedroom at night while you are sleeping and slit your throat), and yes I pretty much order the same thing every time I go, but this place is a Melbourne institution. I always take interstate visitors there, and a meal plus a beer always costs $15.

I’m not too keen on the recent introduction of the ‘banquet’, it seems to me just a way to get customers to spend more money in the restaurant. I tried the banquet and found we didn’t eat half the food. I guess usually when I go there I am usually lining my stomach after a couple of after work drinks, in between the first place and the next place, so I’m not looking for a huge feed, just a quick cheap bite.

They also do BYO and corkage is quite cheap, so if you have a group you can bring a bottle of something. I usually just go for the $5 Tiger or Tsing-Tsao beers though, because it’s not the kind of place you tend to kick back with a couple of vinos. As soon as you arrive you are expected to order (no mulling over the menu!!), and as soon as you stop eating you are hustled out the door, which I like because it’s one of the reasons the food so cheap and is all part of its charm.

If you haven’t already visited Shanghai Dumpling, do so immediately, even if you are just going to bitch about it. It’s one of those places you need to know about if you’re going to call yourself a Melbournian.

EPILOGUE TO SHANGHAI DUMPLING POST:

OK so the banquet officially SUCKS. Some friends and I went in over Chinese New Year and the only option was banquet. It was awful. Half of the food is fried crap that I wouldn’t order from the normal menu, we just ate it because it was served to us. Also the owner put a plate of fried pork dumplings on our table that he had clearly just taken off another group’s table. They were stone cold and I do I even need to mention the food hygiene implications?? I mean, look, they probably do that behind the scenes, but if that IS what they do, I don’t want to know about it!! It was very blatant and there was no way we were eating them. So under no circumstances should anyone ever order the banquet. I don’t care how good the perceived value is! Normal menu is fine, banquet is not!

HELLENIC REPUBLIC

2010-02-08T13:18:00.001+11:00

434 Lygon St, Brunswick East VIC 3057
(03) 9381 1222

So I was pretty excited when I heard George Calombaris (of Masterchef and before that, Ready, Steady Cook fame) had opened a new taverna-style restaurant in Brunswick. I was also pleased to learn that the prices were a lot less than the Press Club, thereby making his food more accessible to people like me who scrape by on a stipend (while the company I work for charges me out to clients at ridiculous rates, but that’s NOT for here!!) Anyway, I decided to get a group together and go to Hellenic Republic for my birthday recently.

Not only does this guy make amazing food, but he really knows how to run a business. He doesn’t miss a thing. When I called to make my group booking the people I spoke to were knowledgeable and friendly, and were more than happy to accommodate special dietary requirements of the group. The restaurant itself is laid back and relaxed, which appealed to me as I like good food but hate pretentious or wanky surroundings (the Rockpool Bar & Grill in Sydney is a perfect example of what I mean).

The overall dining experience at Hellenic Republic was outstanding. In fact I’m getting hungry again just thinking about it. Hang on, I need to go and get something to eat. I can’t write about this on an empty stomach.

OK I’m back, and I have a box of pizza shapes beside me to mitigate any pangs of longing I may experience while writing this. So, to pick up where I left off, our group had the banquet. Started off with some olives, dips and pita bread. The taramasalata was made with white roe and was divine. Next we had some mezze, consisting of fish croquettes, saganaki with fig jam, some kind of chick pea and cuttlefish stew, dolmades and greek salad. The saganaki was simply superb and should be mandatory for anyone who goes there. It’s probably the best saganaki I’ve ever had. The chick pea dish was also great, unassuming yet very tasty.

Next up we were served a ridiculous amount of barramundi, which was freakin’ delicious. Our group was disappointed that we couldn’t eat it all. It was so good, but we were already getting dangerously full and still had a lot of food to come out (TIP: watch your pita bread consumption….hard to do but essential for pacing yourself at a banquet of this size)!!

After the barramundi a big plate of imam bayildi and a selection of meats from the spit came out. The meat was gone within seconds, and was deliciously tender and moist. I was keen to try the Imam Bayildi, as I do a not bad version of my own and wanted to see how it stacked up. George’s recipe wiped the floor with mine and I realised how bad my delusions of grandeur in the kitchen are. I am nothing compared to the mighty George Calombaris! We also had another green salad, which was deceiving as it looked quite plain but still managed to be delightful. As well as good to nibble on in between courses……thereby still eating but not filling yourself up. Some bowls of chips came out, and they were the best chips I’ve ever had. I was so disappointed I could only manage 3 chips, I wanted to eat so many more but was full to the point of bursting by this point in the banquetL

So after all this, I had to ask the waitress to give us a little break before dessert, because we were all beginning to feel sick and I was heavily pregnant with a food baby. So after an hour or so out came dessert. The watermelon and fetta salad was a revelation. Normally I’m very wary of mixing sweet and savoury in a dish, but the combination of the fetta, watermelon, mint and almonds in a light dressing (that maybe had a rosewater base?) worked perfectly and would silence any doubter. There was also baklava, Turkish delight, donuts and biscuits.

Our group ordered an assortment of Greek wines, which were all lovely and suited the style of the food very well. The house wines were also served in cute little metal carafes, a nice touch. The staff, while young, were polite, agreeable and knowledgeable. They have obviously been trained well and enjoy their job. I really can’t fault Hellenic Republic - like I said before Mr Calombaris really has his finger on the pulse when it comes to service and dining experience. This combined with his skill in the kitchen mean there’s little question why this guy is one of the most successful chefs in Australia right now.

Our group was seated near the grill and we saw some pretty tasty morsels going out to other tables so I’ll definitely be back soon to have a crack at the a la carte menu. At $70 a head, I thought the banquet was great value - especially considering the amount of food that was served and the variety of dishes. It’s been years since I ate that much and I could barely eat for several days afterwards. Definitely wear loose and comfortable clothing when you go – no tight jeans!! I absolutely loved Hellenic Republic, so far it is my number one Melbourne dining experience. And I think it’s going to be a tough one to beat.

YELLOW BIRD

2010-02-08T13:07:00.000+11:00

122 Chapel St, Windsor
www.yellowbird.com.au/

Yellow Bird is one of my favourite bars in Melbourne. You can go there for breakfast, afternoon beers or a nightcap. The food is cheap, plentiful and delicious. They have a good selection of reasonably priced beers and wine (including long necks of Coopers Pale Ale……YESSSS). What more can a girl ask for?

Yellow bird is the kind of bar I would have liked to open myself, if only I had thought it up before that pesky drummer for Something For Kate did! The little touches really impress me. Like the ever-changing slogan on the blackboard (my favourite one is “Please don’t ask us to turn the music down – we like it!), the menus, the wallpaper on the (tiny – smaller than an aeroplane!) toilet walls, the kitsch 60’s furniture, and the board games. There is always great music playing. Last time I went in they had a photography exhibition, which I thought was a pretty good idea and was well-suited to the venue.

As far as food goes, they do a killer breakfast burrito (something there is not enough of in Melbourne – now I just need to find some decent huevos rancheros), mean nachos ($12 for a serve which will feed 2 as a meal or 4-5 as a snack) and a raging tasting plate. Unlike many of its Chapel St counterparts, the food at Yellow Bird is cheap and servings are generous.

The staff are always friendly and laid back. I’ve never had bad service there. The people-watching is great and the bar attracts a pretty eclectic crowd. I go there as often as I can. In fact, I cannot say a bad thing about this place. Nope, can’t think of anything bad at all. Yellow Bird is awesome.